Monday, December 14, 2009
Chapter 6
Father started coming home less and less. I still felt that he was my protector and I wanted him to stay longer. Mother started playing new games while he was away. She would mix ammonia and Clorox and shut me in the bathroom. The gas chamber was the game I hated the most. The other game she develop was making sit in cold water in the tub for hours. School started and we had a sub for two weeks. When her time came to an end I did not want her to go. I realized later that I had a crush on her. After some time I was called to the nurse's office. There I would get my injuries checked and recorded and tell the nurse what happened. Mother had her fifth son Kevin. While she was away I got to be part of the family again. One day out of nowhere Mother told me everything was over. I should have known better. A lady from social services came by and asked me questions. I answered wrong and when she left Mother beat me. Things returned to normal and I continued to dream that Father would make everything better one day.
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I try to give David some attention when Catherine isn't looking, and sometimes i even try to get him some food. But I can't stand to be at home much any more. I go home less and less. I tell him we'll both get out of this madhouse someday. I feel guilty telling him that, because I don't know if its true, and i can see in his eyes that he trusts me. Like he's counting on me to be his savior or something! I'm not a hero. I can't even stand up for my own kid! I need another drink..
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